Often, our court is so busy, it is just him and me in the courtroom for staff. And this signature is definitely not your own blood. Is funny like freid rice. funny court reports, funny court stories, funny trials, hilarious cases, hilarious court reports, hilarious court stories, hilarious trials; Follow. Andy Simmons Updated: Apr. No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-) More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. The fake report card. “Well, I know your boss, and he’s a real jerk,” the woman said sweetly. My colleague couldn’t believe how stupid and careless the juror had been, and was gobsmacked by how much time and effort had now gone to waste, all because the defendant and juror decided to have a chat in a shop. I take him into custody, glove up and take hold of the device he left sitting on the reporter’s bench, and take him to jail. “My client had stuck a joint in my up-do,” she realized. Something isn’t right. Lauren Cahn is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest, The Huffington Post, and a variety of other publications since 2008. Donna Kristine (author) from Atlanta, GA on March 08, 2017: Hi Olivia, glad you enjoyed the laughs. If you don’t laugh at these lawyer jokes, you might be held in contempt! T’was a mugging of poor Uncle Sam. Family law attorney, Russell Knight, still chuckles over this story of a woman who wanted help in proving who was the father of her child. Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. The Supreme Court, like any other court in the land, hears more than one case per day. Our courthouse is in the middle of the city and is several storeys high. But there’s no such thing; it’s about something completely unrelated. Lawyer: “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. She also had to pay her parking ticket…obviously. He got put in jail for a probation violation on one of his high-speed pursuits. Motion denied.”. Nothing but the truth. Scott Trout, a leading divorce attorney with Cordell and Cordell, had a client who claimed he wasn’t making enough money to afford to pay spousal support. . Me: “You know, I’ve known about you and your exploits for like five years or so now, but I have one major question.”, Me: “Have you ever given any serious thought to doing something positive with your life?”, Me: “Dude, you’ve been doing it for over five years. I can no longer help you. But when he was on his way out, he saw someone choking and felt obliged to administer the Heimlich maneuver. I decide to make another type of document, thinking maybe it was the wrong type. I will tell the jail staff that charges are pending, but he is to be held on PC of probation violation. I try suggesting she come back with a translator, but of course, she doesn’t seem to understand that, either. ! The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. From hilariously misinformed patients to doctors with a wickedly dry sense of humor, we at Bored Panda had compiled a list of short stories when doctor/patient interactions were just too funny. Only in America! My mother is a prosecutor working for the UK Crime & Prosecution service. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. The court seems to scedule all dates to be in the middle of the week, so to appear i have to spend money for the trains as well as miss at least 3 days of classes. She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. Do tell, Counselor. Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary. Another man accused of speeding seemed really, well, anxious, as he stood before Judge Caprio. Funny Judges Jokes. On Thursday, the penultimate day of the trial, he comes in. A young man named George had surgery to correct an ugly scar on his hand. Find out the 38 dumbest criminals of all time. The juror who’d breached protocol had charges brought against him. He decides we should have a break and when the lawyers have cleared, he asks what happened. “Do you know any of his relatives,” Knight asked her. This took me one minute to read, and I laughed out loud 3 times. “This one guy thought the Department of Corrections was trying to turn him into a cyborg. When all was said and done (and won), the client asked to be put in touch with the expert. Sadly, the kid never took me up on my offer and just sank further and further into the quagmire of the justice system, ultimately spending time in a state pen for his actions. And this signature is definitely, “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. So Frekhtman called in an actuarial expert. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. It is a sad fact of our justice system that most of our modern courts have been … More legal hilarity comes from Frank Caprio, Providence’s Chief Municipal Judge in Rhode Island and now the star of Caught in Providence, who, “judging” by the stories he recently shared with Reader’s Digest, has clearly has heard everything. The thing was, the guy was a CEO of a big company and clearly could afford it. Judge: “Well, according to your test kit, you’re running a very high fever, and you tested positive for MDMA and methamphetamines.”. So far so good… until his lawyer showed up. After I get back into the courtroom, I seal the test kit in a bag — normally, I throw them away — write down some information in his case file, and hand it to the judge. Everyone could use a good laugh (and scientists say laughing makes you happier) so here you go . BLOG. He sued her on grounds of… According to the thermal strip, the liquid is close to 106 degrees F. As an EMT, I know that this would usually be a fatal body temperature, or at the absolute easiest, the person would be so feverish that they would not be able to hold their legs beneath them to stand. Judges have latitude when it comes to how they write their opinions and some run with it. The problem, however, wasn’t that she couldn’t locate the father. These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exch ... share your story. The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. In the “Only in Rhode Island,” category, Caprio tells Reader’s Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England state, and sometimes it gets super awkward. This means that it does happen, however rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit. The man claimed he’d meant to park for just a moment to go into a restaurant to bring his mother a glass of water (she was dehydrated, he explained). Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. This particular defendant is pleading “not guilty” on the basis of his own law code. Unfortunately for him, my mother does her research. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. The defendant was tried again six months later. “As she poured, the pitcher’s lid fell off… sending water everywhere.” At least the judge had a good laugh! On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. I try to say as clearly as I can that I have given her every document she could possibly get from us, and I can do nothing else. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. Attorney: Are you sexually active? Not even business casual. Spoiler alert: it turned out the parking ticket was issued in error, so everyone went home happy (except the police officer who wrote the ticket). In response, Judge Aquilina offered a veritable Solomon-esque solution: “Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. She stands there for a minute, during which I pretend she isn’t there, until she finally shuffles away. In 2009, a no-nonsense judge jailed a man … Here are some smart tips for fighting parking tickets. 1 The US judge who jailed a man for yawning in court. Man Gets Arrested For Creeping This Lady Out on a Bus. Not only was the sign clear on that, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot. Now Trending. So I took the spot the dumpster should have taken.”. There’s nothing funny about being in a courtroom. So this week, we’d like to ask you: What are your funniest and weirdest stories … Jokes about Judges. Party on, Garth. He knows when he’s beat!”. Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. It did not go well. On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. Word got back to the judge, who, on Friday morning, went ballistic. He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. Thanks for sharing. However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. I raise a shaky hand to the hotel across the way, which does not have frosted or tinted windows, and the very large, naked man doing Zumba. COURT STENOGRAPHERS. Number 2: It is incredibly hard to get her on the phone, which for me is the best way to contact her as i … Whether you’re in the jury, on the witness stand, or on trial yourself, it’s certainly a tense and nail-biting environment. !Keep up with Just Laugh!! Seriously, kid, you should think about making an honest career as a racecar driver.”. On the horrible dirt roads we have in this county, you still drive ’em like you’re Dale Earnhardt. I also create about 90% of the forms we use. While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. He isn’t a bad looking kid, and he didn’t have a bad upbringing, so I say something he isn’t expecting. But the payments for cotton began to smell rotten. My very first job after graduating is at an office within a courthouse where people can get their official documents pertaining to their lawsuit or verdict. One of the other jurors had been shopping in town that evening, saw the defendant, and in spite of being told not to discuss the case, decided to discuss the case with him, in full view of everyone in the shop! Lauren is also an author of crime fiction; her first full-length manuscript, The Trust Game, was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction. Just a few days after sentencing, however, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of “ruining her vibe” at the strip club. When I do, the judge scratches his left inside wrist and then his right inside wrist, our code for “get ready to arrest.” The judge calls the kid up, and I have him stand almost behind the court reporter’s bench, so I can cut him off if he tries bolting on foot. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court enters the following order.” So begins the opinion of Federal District Judge Paine in Noble v. Bradford Marine, a clear shout-out to the hilarious film, Wayne’s World. So, I read it in the hopes that there are instructions in it and that they are asking for her to bring a certain document, which I can then provide. Attorney David Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a client who was not into wearing business clothing. You make good things happen. My colleague never got to see the new trial as he was no longer eligible for jury service. Law student, former professors story: Defendant busted for possession of narcotics, they were in the pocket of his leather jacket. . For example, a man charged with speeding actually told Judge Caprio that he didn’t realize he was speeding because he was wearing a stiff, new pair of shoes and couldn’t feel how hard he was pressing on the gas. Long Tour of Duty. Voir dire, the process of jury selection, isn’t always “funny,” but here’s an exception. The only other thing I can do is just give her a copy — which has no “value” or use at all, short of reading what’s on it — and besides, she would have already gotten a copy by letter when the verdict came out, so I cannot imagine it’ll help. For example, one time a guy came in for a hearing on a parking ticket. I decide to make her the most common document mostly used for insurance cases and she seems happy with it, so I think that’s that. Funny Court Transcripts. Sep 15, 2019 - Explore Sue Rhodes's board "Courtroom Humor" on Pinterest. On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. U.S. v. Causby. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. I am working as a court clerk in civil cases. Find out the dumbest laws in every state. Here’s Sevilla’s third collection of funnies (Disorderly Conduct, 1989; Disorder in the Court, 1993) from U.S. courts, supplied by contributors, named and anonymous, from around the U.S. I have the joy and honor of serving as the personal bailiff to one of the greatest judges I’ve ever had the chance to meet. 3 Funny Stories for Halloween ~ the Spirits of Halloween, The Graveyard Ghouls and the Halloween Masked Ball: Great to see you here. Personal injury attorney Byron Browne tells Reader’s Digest of a woman who’d been injured in an accident and claimed she could no longer perform at work. The first section is captioned, “Hurling Chunks.” The last: “A Schwing and a Miss.” In between, Judge Paine calls the defendant’s case “bogus” and “not worthy” and ultimately denies the defendant’s motion with a curt, “Party on.”. The kid could drive. In the past, a man named Peter Wellis divorced his wife and did not want to pay compensation. That shouldn’t be a problem, Funk thought, but still had to ask if the long-ago job would in any way impact her ability to be impartial with Funk representing the firm. We recommend our users to update the browser. Sanford’s partner at BMS, Lisa J. I have given you everything we can. I even offered to put in a word for a local racing team, whose owner I knew. I try my best to show her examples and work around the language barrier, but she doesn’t get any of it. She had to, hm? In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to … Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. What should have been a no-brainer, unfortunately, was a bit more complicated. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), weird laws you probably break all the time, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. It’s not valid.”. “So why not park legally this time?” the judge asked. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Judge Caprio recalls the time a woman argued against a parking ticket she’d received for parking in what had clearly been marked a loading zone. But it soon becomes very clear she only knows this one word: “Letter.”. “I was defending a woman on criminal charges, trying hard to convince the judge to sympathize with her, when the woman went to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher on the defense table,” Rice tells us. All he asked was whether or not the donor had been smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about any other drugs. On Friday, our colleague arrives at work a lot earlier than anticipated. Bye!” I even make a point to wave goodbye and just go sit at my computer and begin working on something else. He called himself “John Doe,” making it impossible for Sanford to call back. Nevertheless, the guy insisted on making the claim, and the day of the trial, he came to court dressed in dirty work clothes and testified he worked as a landscaper and barely made ends meet mowing lawns for a living. “I always tell them it’s difficult to prove they contracted it from a specific person, and their response is almost inevitably to send me a photo of the affected area.” As if that would establish the connection!? Guilty as charged! See more bank jokes, bungled robberies and funny money stories: $ Home $ Bungled burglaries $ Stupid criminals $ Funny bank robberies $ Stupid lawyer jokes $ Funny crime stories $ Police humour $ Funny lawyer jokes $ Great swindles $ Funny money $ Credit crunch jokes $ Ways of making money $ Funny identity theft $ Funny court transcripts She even looked in her own purse to see if her client had used her as a “mule.” No dice… until Margolin got home and took down her hair. James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed “cattle enthusiast,” was once hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new meaning to the notion of rear-ending. It amounted to quite a big scam. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court … Beware of Killer Whales. David Rae (1724-1804) chose to be called Lord Eskgrove. I have a colleague who was selected for jury service. Black, has had some pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense clients as well. I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. One day, we have one of our regular customers in. Not only have I frequently entered new warrants for his arrest in the state system, but I also have the frequent occasion to be the dispatcher answering radio calls from pursuits he’s lead, and frequently evaded, our officers on. George sued the surgeon and was awarded “the difference in value between a 100 percent good hand… and a hairy hand.”. a verdict wherein the judge says that their insurance does have to pay them, which they can then use to take steps to receive this payment. 16, 2016. Aj (girl) on June 11, 2018: THE LAST ONE!!!!! Jonathan Rosenfeld, founder of Rosenfeld Injury Lawyers, tells Reader’s Digest, “I get a ridiculous amount of correspondence from people wanting to sue their exes for allegedly giving them STDs.” Oh? What is even weirder are the results. : I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report … Well, he doesn’t test positive for weed. provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. Juror, dismissed. Susan Boyle. Even of an old, sweet lady many would be happy to call grandma. Source: Reddit (Credit: DCaplinger, Original Story). The judge laughs so hard he extends the break for an extra fifteen minutes so he can calm down, and he teases me about it for the rest of the week. She does not move and just repeats, “Letter,” every once in a while. These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. The client obliged…he showed up the next day wearing a huge clown tie! Olivia on March 07, 2017: I couldn't stop reading this was so funny ... Court's Disorder Chinese Detective Chinese Wisdom Culture and meaning Definition of Politics We're … He argues the search was illegal because with his buttery smooth leather jacket, there's no way the officer would have felt the drugs in his pocket during a pat down, so he shouldn't have reached in the pocket to find the drugs in the first place. Funny Story About Divorce ~ The Best Divorce She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. I get a second opinion from several coworkers — even though they work at totally different services and don’t know as much about our documents — just to see if they can understand. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. I really enjoyed these cute stories. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. He kind of laughed me off, but I was 100% deadly serious. ... Best Lawyer Story Best Sex Ever Boss Bridge to Hawaii Busted Call Girl Californians Cardiologist's Funeral Children Stories Christmas Carols Chinese ENGLISH We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. The only problem was when Judge Caprio asked him how one does the Heimlich maneuver, the man had not a clue. The lawyer, who was the husband of the defendant’s ex-wife, was also the former governor of Rhode Island. The only problem? “I always ask the jury pool if they know of my law firm,” explains Adam Funk, a partner at the Potts Law Firm. Enjoy the BEST stories, advice & jokes! Another came to me claiming the jail was violating his Constitutional rights by serving bologna sandwiches for lunch.” Here are the unluckiest criminals we’ve ever seen. Now, we’re talking about a kid, about seventeen or eighteen, and I know his drug of choice is weed. “Is there something you want to say?” Judge Caprio asked the man. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles FECUND LIAR. For example, she once received a Christmas card with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang member. He was not well liked … No translator, nothing. Questions asked in a courtroom can be very revealing... especially in the South. The taxi driver will have a fun story to tell his family after his shift! Colleague: “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”. The defendant and the lawyer have a quick chat. For him to drive so well he could evade multiple-car pursuits at high speed, on winding, poorly-maintained dirt roads, surely he’d be no match for an oval circuit. Next, find out the strangest law in every state. Another time, she received an urgent message from a prisoner at Rikers. Actually, these might just be the funniest lawyer jokes ever. Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. Justice Goldberg keeps up the hilarity right until the very end, even as he breaks the bad news to the farmers: they’re still in big trouble. Turned out, the child was the result of a one-night stand. I still maintain that he would have made one h*** of a racecar driver. Mostly, they need a version of the official verdict that they can take with them — the original always stays in the archives — e.g. For clarification, he did not get put in jail for drug charges. Just this once. Once he has filled the cup to the indicated line: Me: “You can finish up, and then wash your hands and meet me in the courtroom.”. “Actually, yes,” the man replied. Mum: “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? Funny moments in the court room enjoy!! In August last year an American advertising executive is sued her boss for £3.9million … “Because a dumpster parked in that spot. When Arkady Frekhtman, founding partner of Frekhtman & Associates, had a personal injury case involving an injured young man, winning a big judgment hinged on the young man having a life expectancy of 87. One day, a little old lady shuffles into our office, and when I ask what I can help her with, she pushes forward an envelope and says, “Letter.” She has an obvious accent, but that’s nothing new, and usually, I can work around the fact that people might not speak Dutch very well. It turned out that on Thursday afternoon, before dismissing the court for the day, the judge had reminded the jury that Friday would be their big day, and that until then it would be PARTICULARLY important not to discuss the case with anyone — not colleagues, not friends, not even other jurors. ALMIGHTY GOD. Thanks for sharing! I hope life brings you much success. The judge is sitting in front of the window with his back to it, and I can see clearly everything going on behind him. He reckons the case will be interesting, as it relates to quite a high-profile incident that was in all the local papers. The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. Court's Disorder. follow on instagram @comedianshawnharrris #Tagsforlikes #instadaily #comedygrind Don’t miss the weird laws you probably break all the time. Back to the Index of Best Funny Short Stories. “My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she’s ovulating right now.” What could be said beyond, “Thank you for sharing”? ALL STAR COMEDIAN SHAWN CLOWNS ON FOX'S CRISTINA'S COURT...A MUST SEE!! These people often produce documents which they claim trump statute law. Southern Law Joke. “I was defending a criminal client on a drug charge,” she tells Reader’s Digest, “and I smelled pot in the courtroom.” Weirded out, she kept looking around trying to determine where it was coming from. His Explanation to the Judge was Golden. There is a pause. Why? He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. We can’t charge a person for testing positive for marijuana, except if it’s one of the terms of their probation with the court. Attorney Allison Margolin, partner at Margolin Lawrence, has her own rather amusing drug-related story, only her is from the other side of the bench. Nope. Modern development has built up around the court, so that from levels four up, the back of the court overlooks and looks into a flashy five-star hotel. “I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. “Poor kid had to watch four hours of bowel movements,” Ozols explains. For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson: Some farmers from Gaines had a plan. On this particular day, he knows he is going to be drug tested (by me), which includes me physically having to watch him pee into a cup, on the side of which is a thermometer strip. However, there are incidents inside the courtroom that are unexpectedly funny. The problem was she could. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. One day, I am assisting in a settlement conference, and the judge and I are sitting at opposite ends of a long table, with the parties down either side. Yup, there she is again, with that exact same letter. This doesn’t always go over so well with judges, so Reischer tried to convince the man to at least wear a tie. In front of the windows. Alex Ozols, founder of Personal Injury Lawyers San Diego, fervently hopes that this anecdote did not prove to be career-“ending” for the intern it involved. We’re sure that isn’t the strangest thing to happen in a court of law. I am the court bailiff, clerk, reporter, and probation officer. Hopefully, the story had a happy “ending.”. I s*** you not, the kid rolls his eyes, reaches into his pants, yanks pretty hard a couple of times, and brings out a male-appendage-shaped apparatus that has a small bladder attached with a locking mechanism keeping the fluid from leaking out. The judge recalls to me later that suddenly my face changes and contorts, and I busy myself in a piece of paper, looking horrified. He knows when he’s beat!”, “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”, “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”, “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? He decided that he would die and how… as if the expert difference in value between a 100 good! The dumpster should have a break and when the lawyers have cleared, he someone. To be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup dumbest criminals of all time “! A one-night stand, these might just be the funniest lawyer jokes ever happier ) here..., religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment especially in the morning and work the... Come and collect her Things a courtroom can be very revealing... especially in the.. Not into wearing business clothing and was awarded “ the difference in value between 100! Patience has finally worn out, he did not get put in jail for a violation! Miss the weird laws you probably break all the local papers happy “ ending. ” comes... A probation violation on one of his own law code, went ballistic laugh ( and won ) the. Want to pay compensation more complicated movements, ” Knight asked her June 11 2018. 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